I went to the police station to pick up a copy of my police report today. I've come to the conclusion that I do not like being identified as "Victim #1" and "Jane Doe." After virtually no assistance from the police on my case and the officer who was assigned to it telling me I had no chance in court as it was my word against my rapist's, I decided to close my case. And today it ends.

I looked at the cadet incredulously when I was told that I would need to pay $2.50 and scoffed in disgust that a victim of crime should have to pay to receive a copy of her police report. After tossing my money on the counter, I held the report in my hands.

I made the mistake of reading it, I don't know why I did. As I sat in my car outside of the police station smoking cigarette after cigarette, I searched for answers throughout it's 11 pages. I found none. Only:

"She walked back into her bedroom. She was standing next to the bed when he entered the room and grabbed her from behind. He pushed her onto the bed face down. He then rolled her over and choked her with both hands. She tried to push him away from her but he was too strong. She is unsure of how long he choked her but she felt very dizzy and almost passed out."

"During the interview she did not have any emotion. She explained the events without crying or getting excited. I tested her validity by exaggerating some of the details that she told me. Each time she would correct me and tell me exactly what she told me the first time. I noticed that she had an approximately 3 centimeter scratch on her right wrist."

"Azzam told her to report the incident but Doe refused. After work on 2-5-08, Azzam finally convinced Doe to report the incident."