I knew that moving back would not be easy. I’ve been suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for the last few months and the entire time I was in my apartment in Orange County I was in a constant state of uneasiness. I told myself before moving back to be prepared for some sort of breakdown and that is exactly what I am faced with at this time. It’s been several weeks since I moved back and I still have not completely unpacked. I’ve spent entire days in bed. All of my old friends up here have been asking me to see them but I’ve been avoiding it and if I do see them, I do it begrudgingly. I spent a day contemplating the different ways I could kill myself. I tried to imagine what my Mom’s reaction would be if she came home from running errands and saw my slit wrists, or how long it would take for my parents to check on me in my room only to find that I’d overdosed. My happiness is fleeting but my pain remains constant.